Tuesday, February 07, 2006

plucked priven

Cute hairy-chested funny man Jeremy Piven is on the cover of the current issue of Cargo magazine with his collar unbuttoned and I'm disappointed.

The guy who stopped me dead in my tracks each time he took off his shirt on Ellen's old sitcom and in several movies where he's played the goofy, but sexy side kick, has clipped his chest hair to that annoyingly even 1/8-of-an-inch-all-over length that too many guys have been doing in recent years. The gruff that he has let grow on his chin for the magazine cover even looks thicker than the stubble on this chest.

As I've said before, either let it grow naturally or shave it all off, but the plucked-goose stubble thing has got to go. It's not body hair and it's not smooth. It looks like a mistake or a half-way growth. It looks itchy as hell. It has no significance of its own.

No doubt having turned 40 last year, Piven, or his managers and publicists, has decided that body hair, which was sexy in his 20s, takes on new, negative associates now that he has reached middle age. He looks a little like he's starving himself in the picture and has apparently donned a toupee or plugs as well. I had to do double and triple takes to confirm that it was even him on the cover.

Jeremy, baby, I've got one suggestion for you. Everyone knows when you're faking it. Let yourself be what you are. You're a sexy man because of your energy and humor, as much as your looks. Keep it real! Which in your case is real hairy, real cuddly, and really funny. Uncuddly, unhairy, and unfunny are a dime a dozen in Hollywood right now.

11 Comments:

Blogger dorothy rothschild said...

You are so right. He's totally got hair plugs and/or a toupee/Hairclub for men set up going on. Awful. He was such a cutie with his receding hairline. It looked real.

And I agree with you on the chest hair, too. All or nothing, and preferably all, even if it's wolfman like.

I dated someone for a little while who had his upper arms and back waxed.

It was awful. Just awful.

4:21 PM  
Blogger J.P. said...

I'm with you on the hair/no hair debate, go all the way either way. Just don't make it feel like I'm rubbing up against a brillo pad.

And the hair plugs? Please. He's fooling no one but himself.

10:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Body hair is so soft, so sexy, so masculine. I don't know why anyone would want to mess with that.

Maggie in TN

9:35 AM  
Blogger Fat Chick For President said...

Oh! My! God! There is a hell! And apparently, there's some spawn of Satan walking about convincing those few "natural" (read sexy) men we have left that they need to become naked baby rats like all the Aaron Carters of the world.

BLEH!

Jeremy Piven instantly became one of my favorites when I saw him in PCU. In a movie that was bsically crap, he held it together and pulled through in the end. (Actually the film is still crap but he makes it worth it for same reason Van Damme still gets press.)

I am shocked at the magazine cover. UGH! I'm tempted to use the word sell out but, being the ever hopeful optimist, I'm thinking "It's just a phase... It's just a phase."

Aside: Word Verification for today is - geempbez

10:50 AM  
Blogger Jay Woolsrake said...

Great to hear from all of you! Check out some of the responses I got over at Live Journal

BTW, Madame Prez, my word verification for this post: dydtlenh

11:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SHAVE that hair! Do you women not shave your legs. Hair is gross and nasty.

Hair wen out in the 70's.

5:35 PM  
Blogger Basketball Is Life said...

christ... as a guy whose been told i have similar qualities as this bald actor guy, i have to say i've been totally against the toup since day 1 which has now been MANY days.

i don't really care how much $ that flamer earns acting, he's a scum pig and a sell out. sorta like the way dennis miller is a sell out pig.

the only difference is there was a day i actually found miller challenging and hilarious.

5:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another anonymous poster said, "Hair is gross and nasty. Hair wen[t] out in the 70's." I can understand shaving as a personal preference, but doing it because it's trendy? Seriously? Who has that much time for unnecessary grooming?

I know someone who forces her husband to shave his balls. I repeat SHAVE HIS BALLS. I have male friends who do it of their own volition. If I cut my legs shaving, it hurts like hell and bleeds profusely; I can't imagine what happens with a scrotal scrape. Not to mention the itchy regrowth process. Yikes.

Have we honestly reached a point where it's unacceptable to have hair anywhere on your body (including your crotch) except on the top of your head (where we desperately try to preserve it)? We can't remain children forever(hairless everywhere else, but with a thick head of hair). This sort of societal vanity is absolutely bizarre to me.

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the anonymous that said that body hair is gross and out
YOU SUCK WHO EVER YOU ARE!!!
Body Hair is hot and manly!!!!
Women without body hair are HOT!!!!
but hairless men arent men at all.
Men are meant to have body hair, only real men have body hair!

6:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jeremy let it grow back. We miss the real you!!!!!fnlhv

8:19 PM  
Blogger Matt Timson said...

Heh- my body hair starts at my cheeks and ends at my ankles- and I bloody hate it! Not all of us are blessed with the silky manhair version either- some of us have that horrible brillo pad thing going on.

If I could afford it, I'd get the whole lot lasered off and be done with it. The less said about the rapidly rapidly receding hairline on my head the better, I think. It's probably God's little joke at my expense!

"YOU WILL BE HAIRY. BUT NOT WHERE IT COUNTS."

Thanks. Thanks for that, God. No, really- thank you. I just love being hot all the time (except on my head of course).

Don't even get me started on the shedding...

:D

6:53 AM  

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