dame tatum o'neal

I'm nearly as shocked as the next guy about a few of last night's Oscars. And until the chatter quiets about who deserved what and whether or not Crash was really the best picture of the year, I can't help but wonder about the value of winning an Academy Award anyway. After all isn't it only the buffs who can name the best picture by year or know that a certain actress won the year after she really deserved it for a previous film? Aren't there some great actors and directors who have never won?

Well, just watching movie previews over the past several years I think I can come up with an answer, at least the answer that Hollywood marketers would give. Once an actor or actress or director has won one of those little gold statuettes they have a new title permanently attached to their name: "Academy Award Winner." Whether they are being introduced in a movie trailer, a red-carpet entrance or a late-night talk show, after winning, the formal title "Academy Award Winner" precedes their name.

It is the closest thing American culture has to knighting our heroes and heroines. Instead of Sir Elton John, we now have Academy Award Winner Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Her majesty's subjects have Dame Judi Dench, we have Academy Award Winner Reese Witherspoon. Even in the unlikely event that he would never make another movie, from here on out, we will never again hear George Clooney's name without "Academy Award Winner" as its prefix. Even Tatum O'Neal and Kim Basinger are introduced with this title. I'm thinking it needs to be added to all paper or online forms, as in:

Select one:

• Mr.
• Mrs.
• Ms.
• Dr.
• Rev.
• Rabbi
• Academy Award Winner
• other: _______________

And despite the debate of the last few years about the Golden Globe and film festival awards stealing some of Oscars importance, you tell me how much mileage "Golden Globe Winner Paul Hogan" should get. Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep won't be selecting "other" and writing in Golden Globe Winner since they already have been knighted with the coveted "AAW" title. And as for those who have won the Golden Globe but not the Oscar, not even Jim Carrey would throw that one around, certain that the reader would sneer, "oh, yeah, right sure."

No, the movie trailers get longer and longer all the time, just to allow time enough for "Academy Award Winner" and even "Academy Award Nominee" to be recited in front of each of the actors names. Seemingly, the more knighted actors in the cast, the more serious a film it must be. And as a new freshman class of recipients was added last night, while the ball gowns were still hanging over the back of powder room chairs, the movie ads already began to toss the titles around, not only for the movies that these actors won for, but their next one and the next.